full moon #4

It is now 1/3 of a year since we left Missouri. I guess I still think of MO as "home," but each day I am more and more happy that we are here.

I just really like this town. It is small yet interesting and alive. Last night at supper I grabbed one of those weekly newspapers that had just done their vote on "The Best of Santa Cruz." I had fun pointing out to Rich that we lived in the "best" neighborhood, he played at the "best" golf course, and we had 2 out of the 3 "best" grocery stores within 2 blocks of home. We definitely had some good fortune when we first arrived here!

My mom returned to MO midweek. We had a fun time exploring the area together. Wherever she is, she reads. She reads the labels on all the frozen foods at Trader Joes. She reads the bulletin boards at the beaches. She reads the nature education boards at the parks. She is one of those "life long learners" who, for better or worse, seems never quite content with "what is."

As much as we enjoyed our visitors and extra family time, we are happy to be back in our little world of two. Having a house guest made us realize how loudly we talk to one another since neither of us seem to be able to hear anything anymore. And it is nice not thinking too much about what to eat.

I have decided that my next life project is going to be paying more attention to my physical condition. When I think about what in my life I would most like to be different, the thought of being in better shape often comes up. And there are certainly enough fun opportunities around here for being active!

Since I am a "per diem" employee at the health center, my work station varies depending on who is not using their desk on any particular day. This week, one of my favorite co-workers, Beth, a nurse practitioner, has been on vacation. So most days I have gotten to be in her office. I really like her sense of aesthetics, and her politics, so it has been very nice to share her desk.

I am a bathroom reader, so on my visit there this morning I picked up a book from Beth's desk called, "The Pocket Pema Chodron." Pema is a Bhuddist nun. One of my life mentors, Susan Essman introduced me to her books, and I love them. The reading below is the one I opened to, and it seemed just right:

Perfection is like death

We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the view of someone who is awake, that's death. Seeking the security of perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, it is some kind of death. It doesn't have any fresh air. There's no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because sooner or later, we are going to have an experience we can't control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love is going to die, we're going to find out we have cancer, or somebody is going to spill tomato juice all over our white suit.
The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes, you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100% healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting at lot of your basic experience There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a smooth ride. To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh.